A Reflection | 3.11.21
We lost another one this week.
Another sister lured and consumed by the streets.
Lost to the ravages of addiction and the search for relief.
Gone from this life too soon. Incomplete.
‘Damn you, Beast! Damn your teeth!’
We’ve lost so many
To their drugs.
To their spiraling anxiety, loneliness and grief.
But you, Ms. K?
You, we knew and you knew us, too!
We loved you and you felt it, so ‘Why?
Why did you leave us too soon?
Why did you abandon the Three Amigos?
Your sisters?
Your family?
Your support and your friends?’
It hurts,
Your absence in this world.
Last week, last month, and yes, even that fateful morning,
I had no doubt that we’d see you again.
That you’d walk through our doors this coming Monday morn.
The prodigal returned.
Lessons learned.
Loved. Welcomed. Celebrated. Restored
We called and we visited.
We reasoned and begged.
‘Come back inside’ we pleaded.
‘The storm is too big and too strong for you to fight it alone.’
‘God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.’
But the reality is that not all prodigals make it back home.
Sometimes the Darkness keeps them.
Beyond our reach.
And beyond all hope of joyous reunion.
But I think you’d be proud of us, Ms K.
The six of us ladies.
Your sisters.
Your friends.
We geared up and we prayed up
And we went into the Jungle.
We went to find Number Two,
That lost Amigo who followed you.
We found her beneath the water
Drowning away the images of you carried away in the night.
‘It’s time to come home now, mama’ your Sister invited.
We were there save her, but would she come?
But then she took our hand
And allowed us to pull her from the Deep.
Stumbling, she came and she wept.
Exhausted and left empty by the battle, the fright.
She may stay. She may not,
But that night she slept
Warm and dry and safe and clean.
Surrounded by Sisters, Love, and Hope.
‘God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.’
These oft’ spoken words are the Mantra of those in recovery.
The acceptance of change.
The hope for serenity.
The acknowledgment of a power far greater than our pain.
But this addicts’ prayer for serenity?
While it might help those still wrestling with the all-consuming Beast,
It may be even more important for someone like me.
For you see,
To love an addict is to daily throw your heart to the wind.
There is only a tiny comfort to know,
That though we just don’t see it yet,
There is a plan beyond our grief or control.
But all that does not change the fact that you are gone.
It hurts that the Three Amigos will be no more.
That there will only will only ever be two, at most,
Within those doors.
Sometimes the one drowning doesn’t make it to the lifeboat.
Hardly able to breathe, too wearied by the struggle to stay afloat,
They’re going down.
Swallowing mud just to feel land once again.
This is addiction, the Beast.
The Monster in the Deep.
The Darkness that seeks to kill, steal, and destroy.
To take our very lives, our souls, and our joy, so . . .
‘God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And wisdom to know the difference.
But then, Lord, grant me the boldness to change the unacceptable.
And may I always remember this day,
The day we said ‘No more, Beast.
You cannot have her’ and pulled this one from His teeth.
#homelessness #recoveryispossible #eckworklife
Tabitha Crystal Eck 